You are STILL Loved

This was one of the entries in the older blogs I kept. And believe it or not, I still feel the same.

13 June 2007

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them - Thomas Merton

I was once asked by a friend, why of all the guys, it was her best friend I fell in love with. I shrugged and said "I don't know".  She stood up and clapped.  "That's the best answer", and she hugged me so tight.

Now I know that that isn’t the same answer I have for the guy I’m currently so into. I used to say, “I don’t know” when the truth is I recognize to whom I am in love with. It is him, the tangible him and the idea of him. How he is felt physically and emotionally. How I am moved to grow gracefully. How I am challenged positively.

I used to tell him during my “denial” stage that if I just know what exactly caught my heart,  I’d rather look for it in someone else.  This guy’s a real close friend so I thought nurturing this feeling might ruin the friendship we’ve kindled for years.  But you see, the more you suppress your feelings, the greater it grows.  Only then did I realize that it’s real. It should be real when the happiness and everything that goes with this feeling is wonderfully overflowing that they need to be shared. So I finally decided to let him know.

Recently, in one of our unusual heart to heart talks, he asked me what I will do should we pursue this relationship.  I just answered, “I’ll let you be as you are.” My explanation is simple: I fell in love with the man he is right now that I wouldn’t oblige him to make drastic changes in himself just for me. Ideal? Yes it is. But the way he is and the way he is not made me think that he is just right. He’s not perfect though. In fact, he’s got a string of imperfections like most men do, yet seeing right through him, I have found a real person with whom I can share real love with. This love doesn’t have to be too much as it would be obsessive, or too little to be neglecting. It is just right with enough love left to share with the people around us. And most importantly, this love springs from the belief that he is a gift from God that should be taken cared of.